Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
