I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
