she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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