idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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