Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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