sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i now understand why vodka
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
