Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
