My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think i have herpe
just one?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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