nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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