its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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