Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
