just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
