He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
