i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
