I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
