Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
