now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
