My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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