soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
