Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
