The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
