you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
