yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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