So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
