the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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