I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
