Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
