I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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