I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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