Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
