I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
