WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
