even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
