someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
