The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
