I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
