could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
