woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
