I'm lost and stupid without you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
