I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
