remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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