I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
