I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
