come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
