mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Houston, we have a blender
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
