walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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