I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
honey bunches of taint.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
