:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
