I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
