my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
