Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
